Twitter is a temporal black hole, a vapid, largely self-indulgent time-suck whose importance is most of the time greatly exaggerated. I’ve tweeted 1,331 times. It will be 1,332 by the time I shamelessly promote this post.
Tina Fey recently said that most people are too dumb to use Twitter, and I agree for the most part. And yet, that little bird is a constant presence at the top of my browser window. I like to think Tina would be amused by some of my tweets. But then again, probably not.
I tweet things I find interesting. I tweet things I think up that may be funny, or may be poignant, or may be meaningless. I do very little self-promotion, and I find people who tweet nothing but hashtag-laden links to their self-published true crime ebooks on Amazon to be especially tiresome. For me, Twitter is like clothes. It’s not an explicit and overt declaration of who I am and what I’m like, but has almost a voyeuristic shade—private thoughts made public. It’s all carefully calculated and designed, though. It’s preparation for the day when I’m truly public, when I get that little verified badge and my life finally has meaning.
On a practical level, I often will tweet things because I want to keep track of them. It’s just easier than a bookmarking service, which I have to remember to check. Since I’m already on Twitter all the time, my tweets are easy to scroll through.
But really we should all stop kidding ourselves. Very few people use Twitter just to discover interesting articles posted on HuffPo. It’s the ever-so-slightly more realistic possibility of something we say reaching a larger audience that the low-commitment micro-format of the tweet affords us. People might not want to take the time to read our blog posts or watch our YouTube videos, but tweets are so short it’s hard to keep from reading them, like road signs.
And is that so bad? What’s the harm in everyone feeling a little more connected? Is there anything wrong with that glimmering possibility in the back of your mind that this could be the one, this could be the 140-character thought that somebody actually hears? The idea that someone out there could be listening can be incredibly powerful. It’s hard to imagine where we’d be if more people throughout history had kept their mouths shut because they thought nobody would care. So keep tweeting, people. Join the collective noise.
Francine Prose’s Blue Angel may be the closest thing to a perfect novel I’ve ever read. If you’re going to be quoting me on that, however, please make sure to include the context. Francine Prose writing the nearly-perfect novel is like Kobe Bryant making a perfect layup with no defenders in sight. It’s perfect because it’s safe.
I usually gravitate towards the maximalist, “hysterical realism” that’s so prevalent on fiction shelves these days, so it is high praise to call Joan Didion’s ultra-minimalist Play It As It Lays one of the books that really caught my attention this year. Her bare prose draws you down into the depths of the main character’s depression in the most masterful way. Didion wrote this novel with the sensibility of a short story; the quality of the book hinges on every single word—nothing is extraneous, and every sentence pulls more weight than the vast majority of books I’ve read.
K. surprised me with a copy of Leaving the Atocha Station by Ben Lerner while I was recuperating from a nasty bug. It was not one of the most expertly written books I’ve ever read, but as far as love-letters to cities in the form of novels go, Lerner beautifully evokes Madrid, both in his physical descriptions and the mood of the city, which he captures well.
The biggest surprise of the year was 11/22/63 by Stephen King. For better or for worse, I’m pretty biased against genre fiction of any kind, but the plot—a man discovers a portal to the late ’50s in a diner and goes back to save JFK—really intrigued me for some reason. I don’t have glowing things to say about the prose itself, but there’s a reason King is held in such high regard. I’ve never been gripped by the storyline of a novel more. Making a nearly 900-page novel that spans almost five years into an edge-of-your-seat page-turner is no small feat.
If you’re not aware, hot sandwiches are The Thing right now. If this actually is news to you, then it must be years since you’ve set foot in a dining establishment, because they’ve been The Thing for a while. The panini has firmly established its preeminence, elevating the lowly sandwich to new heights of gourmethood. Who can pass up that delightful blend of pain and pleasure as warm, crusty bread playfully tears at the roof of your mouth, or the bubbling of freshly melted cheese, or the crisped edges of sliced meat?

